By: Patricia Baguio Indeed, there is no place like home.
I was born in this city, but I grew up in the far city of Quezon. I am well versed in Filipino as much as I’m fluent in Pangasinan (dialect). I can understand a little Ilocano but hardly speak it. Nonetheless, I consider this hometown, my refuge, my comfort zone. It was almost 4 years ago since I left my sanctuary. I studied at the University of Pangasinan and seldom came home. I let my hectic college life corrupted my chance of spending more years in my little paradise. I have lived at my Aunt’s house in Malasiqui, Pangasinan where my father works. In here I learned how to do some chores on my own like washing my own clothes and dishes which I rarely do at home because I have a mother who pampers me. I have loved vegetable dishes because my Aunt has grocery and vegetable stall wherein I help in selling every weekend, holidays and whenever I have a free time. I somehow become a businesswoman, a thing I am interested in the venture since I was young. I and Jessica, my sister next to me, used to sell cold drinks and banana cue, but when we started going to school, we gave up our little business. However, I don’t question why both of us took up Mass Communication and not Business Administration. While young we learned that without a capital, it is hard to put up a business and/or endeavor anything connected to it. We thought in advance to take up a degree that can give us job right away, something that has no board exams, unlike accountancy and nursing. It is not that we don’t trust ourselves enough. In fact, we hold bragging rights that we were able to pass the College scholarship test. What any other test can be harder than that? Another thing is that, we were discouraged by our mother to take nursing because she is a registered nurse yet has no work until now, or decided not to work to take care of us and because, it will take her more years before acquiring a job due to the number of competitors, the limited opportunities and the hardships and more money to be spent in getting the required 2 years’ experience. Now, my persistence brought me this far, away from my home, from most of the people who were part of the first few years of my life. I started to build new dreams under the roof and inside the walls of my new home, my Aunt’s house. I am with my cousins and not with my family. This independence strengthens the fragile young girl I used to be. My Aunt cares just a little to my wanderings so most of the time, I am responsible for myself. I can be in my most strict form when I have to. I can force myself to learn a hard way. I can also pave my easy way out of problems I like to forget and choose not to face. These were underscored more when I am freed from the chain of my university and plunged into the world of employment at one of the well-known company. The only exhibited pressure is the deadline. However, when due dates become my sole driving force in working hard, I might fall into the trap of mediocrity. I must hit high, differently. In times like this, I remember my home that has surely missed me a lot. However, it was not inviting me to stop them come back; it inspires me to come back with precious treasures I gain throughout my journey which can compensate the moments I was not home.
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By: Patricia Baguio I was drawn back to consciousness the moment you are about to kiss and caress me. Why, of all the possible instances of awakening, does it have to be at exactly that moment when I should be testing how much this heart adores you? Or do I really do? I felt that something is wrong. I felt uneasy and reluctant. I remembered the days when I used to call you friend, when I used to tease you with someone else and when I used to criticize your physique. They all prompt me not to fall for you. But then, love is deceiving. It pricked me to the innermost part and blinded me. I depended on my emotion alone, which trapped me and led me breathless. Are you ready to catch me when I faint? Or am I ready to be caught the moment I become hopeless? Be a man, please. Take away your selfish desires. Know what you are losing the moment you or I give in. I will lose myself and you will lose me. Does it still matter to you?
by Nicole ArzadonLove is expressed by people in different ways and oftentimes, it is something that we think of carefully so that we can express it in ways that shows who we really are. Giving letter is an option for us to say or show what we really feel about the person and let them know what is within us. But sometimes it is something that would bring memories and stories as well as emotions that will somehow make us happy and sad at the same time.
I have experienced giving letter to the one I loved. I always did this whenever I felt a rush. I wrote more until I got tired then I give them to the person important to me. The words that are written in those letters were from my heart filled with love. The feelings entrapped in them were special but in the end, it all became aches. It was like wishing on a shooting star- suddenly, you realized that it is only a wish, a dream that will never come true. When you remember the letters, those words and feelings presents become pain you wish to forget. Heartaches and broken wishes will be left and will continue until you let go. Oftentimes, we give letters to the persons we love-friends, best friends and special friends. But whatever things we want to say which describe what we really feel, be ready of whatever the results may be. Love, heartaches and pain in letters will remain as memories until we move on and let go. by Nicole Arzadon“We don’t hate you because you’re famous; you’re famous because we hate you.” Fame is just for attention seeks. Being popular won’t make you perfect. It is not an excuse to change you. Haters, admirers and those friends who are fake, do they make you happy? Try to ask yourself if you are pretending to be someone you area not. Sometimes people are trying to be famous because of their insecurities or maybe they are not good enough for anything. We believe that every person changes but we should always tell ourselves that being who you are is the first step of making yourself a better person. Like what Selena Gomez stated in the song Who Says, “You’ve got every right to a beautiful life.” We should not compare ourselves to others because every person possesses beauty and it is God’s gift to us. Don’t act like you’re famous even if you’re not. Just keep calm and be yourself.
By: Denise Go HEART: I love him… BRAIN: Then don’t let go. HEART: But he hurts me… BRAIN: Then, let him go. HEART: I don't even know what to do anymore. Do I hold on or let go? It’s a never ending struggle. BRAIN: It’s crazy to hold onto something that hurts you, but it’s even crazier to let go of everything you know you ever wanted. HEART: Do I let go because I love myself? Or do I hold on because I love him? By: Christelle MarambaDear You,
I have never met anyone who has interested me as much as you... and I want to thank you for making me realize that no matter how much we want to be with someone, if they are not meant for us, then that is how it’s going to be. I have accepted the fact that I am just not what you are looking for in a person, that we will never be an item. That acceptance is not easy because as a quote has said, “It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it’s harder to give up when you know it’s everything you ever wanted.” I am not saying that you are all I ever wanted, but you are the kind of person I could see myself falling for. However, that’s not the way it worked. Augustus Waters is right, the world is not a wish granting factory. Maybe in the near future our fates may change, but until then, I say Farewell! By: Patricia Baguio Maybe this is part of moving on: recalling what should have been and eventually realizing there’s no sense of replaying the scenes over my head. I am torn between forgetting and saving what could still be saved. I am confused whether to initiate the apology or wait for him to come over with a bunch of roses telling me it’s his fault. Every day, the pain becomes lethal. The anger intensifies.
I deactivated my Facebook account and erased all the contacts that might lead me to him. So just in case I gave up in this chasing game, I have no choice but to wait for him to look for me. If not, maybe he did not love me that much. And it’s a waste of effort and time fighting for someone who can’t even say sorry, who can’t even learn from his past mistakes and who doesn’t care about what I want and how I feel. It’s a hard to wait, but it’s harder to put down your sword and give up. Pride kills the relationship, in the same way, being a martyr does. The choice is yours. Now I choose to wait. I just hope, with fingers crossed that he’ll still find his way back. By: Patricia Baguio Things are not just black and white or gray. So are emotions. They vary and are complicated, especially in instances when you are unsure of the feeling, torn between what you are expected to project and what is naturally expressed. You cry of joy, smile to hide your sadness, frown over judged invalid reasons and enjoy the forbidden. But, the mentioned are still umbrella emotions of more complex sensations. You have to know first where those emotions are coming from to be able to understand, though not put into words, what exactly one feels.
Emotions must not matter, as my friend advised, so as not to reach the point of it taking control over my decisions. Something I have begged to disagree ever since. For me, you just have to know when and when not to use or consider your emotions. It attaches you to something or someone. Let it! However, you must also find your way to detach when you have to unbroken and still on your toes. After all, you still have yourself and one great God left for you. Believe! By: Patricia Baguio I won’t write you by your name because I knew that you know that this is you. Listen, I want you to realize and know every word I will say. You know that you are my ultimate crush since grade school, because every time you pass the corridor, you’ll hear your name shouting by my friends. So, at the time you asked me to go out with you, I said yes without hesitation. That’s been my biggest dream, to have a date with you. So, I asked my friend who is good at fashion to help me what to wear. It was my first date and I don’t want it to be cheap, I even wear make-ups. Then I directly go to the place where you said we will meet. As I see you approaching, I was disappointed because you’re just wearing short pants and a simple tee. You look at me wondering where I am going why I am wearing a dress. I answered you before you asked me. I said I am about to go at my friend’s birthday party and I just go there to meet you and say sorry because the party is more important than to go out with you. What have you done? Nothing. So, I just asked you back if we can go out on the other days, then you said yes. That day finally came, and I just wear a simple tee and short just like you were before. I tried my best hard not to look so excited to date you, but my heart is the traitor that kept beating whenever you stare at me. The day went so well and you kissed me on my cheeks as we said goodbyes, which made my face turned to red. We exchanged numbers and texted all day, all night until we got to fall into bed. I got a good voice, so I always sing you a song to get you fall asleep. I thought that you are doing this because you also feel this feeling I have towards you. Fortunately, I was wrong and I don’t know if I am right either. I don’t know, what’s your intention? We often go out just to chill,you always call me whenever you need a companion. I am the one who pays for your lunch when you have short your allowance. It’s vulnerable when I receive a text from you, you’ll ask for a favor. Every time we meet, you already have with you the things that I should do, your assignments, your paper works, and your projects, those things that I made that made you pass your subjects. You even stayed in my apartment for months because you said that you had a conflict with your parents. You always asked me a favor as you know that I can’t say no to you. I am your one call away friend as you say. A friend? Yes, that’s my role in your life, a friend. I got the minor role in your life while you knew that you got the biggest role in my life. But it’s okay because I am a part of your life now, unlike before that it's just in my dreams where I can able to talk to you. I got no problem with this set up until your ex-girlfriend appeared on the picture. While we’re in a tea shop, when we about to plan on how you’ll present your class report on the next day, your troops and your ex-girlfriend saw us and approach you, questioning you why you are with me. I am about to say that I am your friend when you talk first and say that I am nothing, just a student interviewing you for my article. Really? Then, let me say this to you. This nothing you are talking about has paid the meal you have just ordered. The girl who bought you everyday lunch. The one who did your assignments, paper works and projects. Seriously? Am I really nothing to you? Then, I want you to know that this nothing did your school requirements before she did hers. While you are happily celebrating your victory in your subjects, she is sadly thinking about how she’ll pass her failing subjects. She doesn't eat lunch for you to have. Lastly, this nothing is someone in other’s eyes. By: Patricia Baguio Media production is like a jungle. Only the fittest survive. Assert or else, you’ll get devoured by people or the system.
Working in media production for more than two years now, I experienced the misery inflicted by overpowering workmates. There was our former production coordinator who powers play. She doesn’t release enough budget, causing me to shell out. If I complain, I’ll suffer more. There was also my former segment producer who forces me to schedule the shoot in his most convenient time. One irritating and a bipolar person in the production also was my former associate producer who wants me to shoot unprepared as if there’s no other chance. As annoying as him was my former executive producer who checks script late then wants it to be revised right away. Fifth was my big boss who demands script to be rewritten and re-edited, few hours before airing. And if it doesn’t pass her taste, she’ll put down the story, not thinking of the effort given. In all these instances, I remained silent yet resilient. I thought, “I am wrong, perhaps”. And even if I’m right, they’re, after all, my bosses that I should respect. I should know where to place myself. For eight months, I survived being a researcher and a good follower until I reached the point where I believed I can do better. I applied as segment producer to other programs. From then on, my voice becomes clearer and assertive. I started making decisions and standing to those. I refrain from accepting opinions from people who think highly of themselves. I criticize bluntly the system that I wanted to get rid of. I impose rules which I think will make our work better, not easier. Slowly I gain haters: reporters, researchers and post-production assistants. I consider them antagonists of my good life story. Of course, at one point I ponder over these things. “Am I already the antagonist?” Then I feel I am teary inside, but I have to stay strong or else, evils will overpower. |
AuthorMy name is Christelle and I like to read any kind of literary works. I will post here original works and some from other writers and I would lke to share them all with you. Enjoy! :) Archives
October 2016
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